Summertime Sadness

Ah, Summer. The warm air. Crickets chirping. Beach trips. Family vacations. Cookouts. A sense of inexplicable depression and dread. Record screech Wait, what? This time two years ago I was discovering myself and learning to accept myself. I was getting into working out more, had met a really great guy, my son had just finishedContinue reading “Summertime Sadness”

A Eulogy to My Former Self

Today I miss her. I miss her smile. I miss her sarcasm and how she would sit outside on Summer evenings and savor a glass of sweet wine. I miss her love of spicy food and trying new things and pushing the limits of her physical capabilities. I even miss her naivete. Sometimes I especiallyContinue reading “A Eulogy to My Former Self”

Out of the Darkness Comes the Light

Sometimes when I’m feeling particularly emotional, I just start writing. This came to me a few days ago when I was feeling down about post-treatment life. One thing I find so amazing about creative writing is it almost always leads me to the mindset shift I need to pull myself out of the darkness. ItContinue reading “Out of the Darkness Comes the Light”

The Power of And

I saw a post today about mental health and cancer survivors and realized yesterday was Mental Health Awareness Day. If you’ve spent any time at all reading my posts you have probably realized that mental health is a cause as near and dear to my heart as cancer. Since my treatment ended, I’ve been workingContinue reading “The Power of And”

One Year.

August 7th marked one year from the phonecall that started the most life-altering time period of my life thus far. One year of fear, tears, anger, depression, helplessness, jealousy, and pain. But also one year of growth, resilience, strength, learning, and hope. A year of obstacles and a year of climbing over them no matterContinue reading “One Year.”

A Letter to My Younger Self

Dear Child, I know you don’t understand. You don’t know how to control those big emotions swirling around in your brain, making your body feel sick and shaky and your tiny heart pound. You are doing the best you can with what you know. It will get easier, I promise. Some day, you’ll realize thatContinue reading “A Letter to My Younger Self”

Tonight I Heard Sirens

Sirens are always a stark, solemn reminder that life can change drastically in an instant. Every time I hear them I’m reminded of the morning I woke up to paramedics wheeling my Nana past the bedroom while my mother was crying on the phone. Nana never woke up. I remember the night a man rangContinue reading “Tonight I Heard Sirens”

New Me, Who Dis?

I haven’t posted in awhile, mostly because it’s been the same boring, hellish routine of daily radiation for weeks. I have 7 treatments left and then I get to hunker down and heal, hopefully in time to actually be able to eat and enjoy some sort of food by Christmas. Right now, in this moment,Continue reading “New Me, Who Dis?”