Tonight I Heard Sirens

Sirens are always a stark, solemn reminder that life can change drastically in an instant. Every time I hear them I’m reminded of the morning I woke up to paramedics wheeling my Nana past the bedroom while my mother was crying on the phone. Nana never woke up. I remember the night a man rangContinue reading “Tonight I Heard Sirens”

Hijacked

Every year, Winter is the hardest season for me to get through. Depression settles itself right in and takes the wheel and I become an unwilling yet taciturn passenger. But this year I’m struggling even harder to find the willpower to take back the wheel and drive. Because this year Depression has new weapons: cancerContinue reading “Hijacked”

Dear Cancer…

Things have been steadily getting better for me for the most part. My sores are slowly healing and I’m able to eat slightly more. My taste is back so food is a little more appealing, though it still takes forever to eat. I won’t know until sometime in January or February if I’m free ofContinue reading “Dear Cancer…”

New Me, Who Dis?

I haven’t posted in awhile, mostly because it’s been the same boring, hellish routine of daily radiation for weeks. I have 7 treatments left and then I get to hunker down and heal, hopefully in time to actually be able to eat and enjoy some sort of food by Christmas. Right now, in this moment,Continue reading “New Me, Who Dis?”

Totally Rad…iated

Actually, I think the correct word is irradiated in this case but whatever. I officially started radiation therapy last week! I’ll be driving (or riding) about an hour each way Monday through Friday until November 19th to have a linear accelerator shoot me with a super high dose of photons. It looks as sci-fi asContinue reading “Totally Rad…iated”

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

When you become a parent no one tells you about the immense amount of guilt involved. You hear about the love, the sleepless nights, the worry (which is sort of related), the pride…but the guilt isn’t talked about. The guilt starts early, before the baby is even born (especially if you’re the mom carrying theContinue reading “Guilty Until Proven Innocent”

(A)Musings

Some days are harder than others and I’m really not sure why. However, this was true in life before cancer as well so perhaps it’s my depression, anxiety, hormones, or a healthy dose of all 3. Regardless, at any given moment a hundred thoughts are flying around my head, and today I happened to grabContinue reading “(A)Musings”

Emotion Sickness

Riding home from the hospital was supposed to feel liberating; I expected relief and a “breath of fresh air”…but what I got was crushing anxiety and depression. We drove past a 7-Eleven, not usually a particularly emotional event, and I started tearing up. “How can I go on a short trip?! I won’t be ableContinue reading “Emotion Sickness”